My dad broke my heart before any boy ever had the chance. My heart had been broken, my doubts were created and the emptiness that lays within me today were made by the one man who who wasn't supposed to hurt me.
It was a hard concept to wrap my mind around then, but now I'm messed up that its even harder. I wont say that Im not mad anymore, because I am. Im so mad at him. Im mad that his mistakes to him... are meaningless. Like his actions aren't supposed to hurt me. They aren't supposed to cut deep or make me feel little. Im mad that my place in his life never impacted him so much that he didn't change. Im mad that what I feel, I cant express.
All these things after a while of trying to make sense of it all comes together for a second, and then its a huge clusterfuck the next minute. Its hard to deal with so much running around in my mind.
I want to so badly begin to tell more how I feel, but this page stays half full and I begin to understand that couldn't explain how I feel, any better.
